Put on your hoop skirt, get out your wooden train whistle, and log on to IndyBids.com ... there's competition EVERYWHERE, and there can only be one winner! Join amateur contest participants Mark and Allen as they tackle Episode 19 of Season 5, "Article Two". (NOTE: Yes, it's true, there MAY be a link from the Marvel Universe to the Star Wars Universe ... but what about the ONION-verse?!?!? EDIT BY MARK AND ALLEN: Constantine, stick to the script please ... ad-libbing is NOT your strong suit.)
This week Mark and Allen break down the Episode with special guest star Patton Oswalt! The City of Pawnee annually celebrates the great Pawnee tea dump of 1817, but due to how the old-timey script looks, "tea" looks like "ted", so each year the city dumps a man named "Ted" into Ramsett Lake. This year, the "Ted" thrown into the lake becomes very angry, and demands Leslie address the many, many outdated laws still active in Pawnee. To this end, at the next City Council Meeting, Leslie proposes the city purge many of its old and obscure laws. However, citizen Garth Blunden is overtly against changing the laws due to historical significance, and successfully filibusters the meeting to prevent further action. Leslie implores Garth to reconsider. Garth accuses Leslie of having no respect for tradition. Finally, they decide to settle things with a wager: whoever can survive the longest living primitively at the Pawnee Historical House gets to make the other back down from their agenda. Meanwhile, now that April has been promoted to Deputy Director of Animal Control, Chris requires her to complete the Chris Traeger Management Training Seminar, or "ka-tumps". April asks Ron to help get her out of the seminar, but when Chris learns Ron has ALSO never had any management training, it backfires, with Ron getting roped in as well. As one might expect, things do not go well: Chris is overtly cheery, Ron is stoic and grumpy, April is sarcastic and snarky. Ron and Chris completely disagree on the best motivational methods, so Chris challenges Ron to see whose method works best: encouragement/appreciation/smiles (Chris), or money/fear/hunger (Ron). Finally, Ann's custom holiday with Leslie, "Breakfast Day", is coming up, and she found a waffle maker from JJ's Diner on an online auction. Unfortunately, somebody is bidding against her ... and she discovers that someone is Ben, who is shopping for a present for HIS custom holiday with Leslie, "Waffle Day". The two of them battle it out, trying to win the waffle maker, but ultimately lose to the owner of the Pawnee Pawn Shop, who they then have to deal with. While all this is happening, both Ann and Ben come to the realization that they are EXHAUSTED trying to keep up with the thoughtful but never-ending custom holidays Leslie has come up with for both of them. As always, we tackle the tough questions, such as ... Who will win their competition, Leslie or Garth? Will Ron or Chris win the competition, and what side will April be on? Who will win the coveted JJ's waffle maker? Is Garth cheating, or is he just really good at old-timey gibberish? Can Ron and Chris find a suitable mindless worker drone for their test subject? Can Ann and Ben continue dealing with all these custom holidays? Can Leslie get all the chickens out from under her dress? Will April and Ron be able to keep their conductor hats from the seminar? Loyal podcast viewers, this is competition cranked up to 11, just like in Spinal Tap! Many thanks to our wonderful sponsor, "Ron's One Minute Seminars", or ROMS.